Like No One Else

I just discovered some sound, inspirational quotes I copied back in March 2010, about two years before we actually got serious about this problem. We had just bought the book 365 Ways to Live Cheap[ly]. I think we maybe, kinda, sorta thought getting out of debt was a good idea to do maybe, kinda, sorta some day, but we didn't have a plan or any knowledge about how to practically do that. So thankful that now we do.

I had written: "May we live our lives differently, within our means, to be a testament to ourselves, to others, and to our future children about how to handle our money in order to have a secure financial future. May we use or finances to the glory of God." I'm pretty sure that was my pre-Dave Ramsey way of saying, "May we live like no one else so later we can LIVE like no one else!"
___________________________________________________

When advised to budget, most people respond: “But I just don’t have enough money.” In fact, most of these individuals have a lot more money than they think; they just lack control of it. Making more money is not the answer. The sad truth is that if you’re out of control, no matter how much money you earn, you can figure out a way to spend it. … Bad budgetary habits, when applied to twice as much money, simply create twice as much havoc. – Unknown (I would add that sometimes when the income is around or below poverty level that income is part of the problem.)

But the thing is, [debt] is worse than obesity, because this is a problem that you can hide. It’s a problem that you can deny that you have. You can have a big fat lifestyle, and you can pretend you’re making a lot of money because you can just finance it and pretend that you’re going to pay for it tomorrow. So who needs this diet? Anybody who is not saving anything, anybody who is living paycheck to paycheck, anybody who is fighting with their spouse about money, and anybody who wants a better financial future tomorrow. — Jean Chatzky, as told on Oprah

The problem with Americans is that they act and spend as if they are rich before they actually ARE rich. — Economist interviewed in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance

Journey to Financial Peace - Part 1

Let's start at the very beginning – a very good place to start, naturally. ;o)

Early 2000s. Financial Peace University [FPU] was offered at my then church. My concept of Dave Ramsey and FPU was that this class was for middle-aged families who had major financial difficulties, as in major credit card debt, mortgage, etc. Sort of like an AA for finances. For some reason, I just had that stereotype in my head.

2009. Nate and I decided we weren't happy with our finances. We didn't have what we considered major debt, but we just knew there were a lot of things we should be doing but weren't, such as saving for retirement, and we had no idea where to start. We got Dave Ramsey's book, "The Total Money Makeover," as a gift. We excitedly read the beginning of it, and then...stopped. Not for any reason, but I don't think we had hit enough of a "rock bottom" to feel desperate enough to change our situation. Dave Ramsey says, "you have to get mad." We definitely weren't mad at that point.

2010. Toward the second half of the year, I went through a period of unemployment. I have no idea how we managed without racking up a ton of debt. Our idea of a budget was to write down the bills that we had to pay, such as our loans, etc., and then to make sure we covered them. It was an attempt, but it certainly wasn't a very good way to go about it. So suffice it to say, we weren't budgeting at the time. Right before Christmas, I was offered a job, and we moved to Texas. You can read about all that here and here.

Early 2011. We hadn't been in Texas longer than a few weeks when we felt convicted about the fact we hadn't been tithing. It's embarrassing to admit, but we hadn't tithed faithfully pretty much ever. We put in a little here and there, but the 10% God requires as per the Bible, yeah, no. We didn't. I recently heard a statistic that 5-7% of Christians tithe. I could write a whole post about this, but I'll just say that that makes it easier to admit since we obviously weren't alone. Tithing has changed our world. It requires faith. And because of that, we have been forced to get our finances under control. It's been HARD. But God is faithful.

August 2011. Remember up there where I said we hadn't hit rock bottom? Well, in August, we did. Three weeks without work in addition to three planned (but not budgeted-for) cross-country trips? If we had been budgeting properly, we could have saved the money beforehand. But, we didn't. Because of our own lack of planning stupidity, we got ourselves into consumer credit card debt for the first time. Yeah, that one is hard to admit. Ouch. This is what Dave Ramsey calls stupid tax (the price you pay for a stupid decision). Anyway, we discovered that Financial Peace University was offered at our church, and the class had already started. BUMMER. We didn't have the money for the class materials anyway. But, we "got mad" and were determined to do something about this hole we had dug for ourselves.

September 2011. We did our first real budget in September. That process is initially so hard. To scrounge up all of the info of where every single dollar you spend goes is, well, painful. But so worth it. I can honestly look back and say it was the hardest part. We also took an Equip class at our church about what the Bible says about how to handle money. Our new way of handling our finances was definitely not perfect, but we felt encouraged. I started listening to The Dave Ramsey Show hour-long podcasts, which helped keep us motivated. We researched more about the Seven Baby Steps (which we now have memorized), and we started saving for our baby emergency fund plus cost of materials for the FPU class at our church that starts in January.

October 2011. Nate and I finally understood how the zero-based budget works and wrote out our monthly cash flow plan. Thanks to bumming materials from an old FPU kit, we started using the envelope system for groceries, eating out/date nights, personal care items, vehicle care, etc. It has helped a ton to not just use the debit card for those things. Before if we had gone over our budget by $5, I would have just said, "oh well." Now, when paying with cash, I can't do that, and it really helps us stay under our budget. At the end of the month, we finished Baby Step One: the $1,000 emergency fund plus the cost of materials for FPU! We feel so encouraged. I started listening to the 3-hour-long Dave Ramsey show at work, which continues to inspire and keep me motivated to start Baby Step Two and our debt snowball.

November 2011. We wrote our zero-based budget/monthly cash flow plan at the beginning of the month, as we will continue to do. As we are right now, we are scheduled to pay off our consumer credit card debt by the beginning of March 2012, though we would love it if we could beat that. We have budgeted for a teeny-tiny Christmas, and we will hopefully be able to scrounge up some extra income in the next few months. Nate and I are so in-sync about this, which is apparently not the case for most married couples in our situation. I am so thankful for that. Our next goals are, in this order, to pay off: our truck, my student loan, our car, and then Nate's student loan. These are based on pay-off amounts (as the interest rates are all very close to the same). Right now it looks like it will take up to two years, but then we will be finished with Baby Step Two, and we can be DEBT FREE.

You can read all about Dave Ramsey and everything he teaches on his website, but just for quick reference, the Seven Baby Steps are: 1 - $1000 emergency fund, 2 - pay off debt using the debt snowball (except the house, if applicable), 3 - build full emergency fund (3-6 months expenses), 4 - invest 15% of income in retirement, 5 - save for kids' college, 6 - pay off house, and 7 - build wealth. Since we don't have a house or kids yet, we will adjust this to fit us as recommended by Dave. Having kids and buying a house will probably fall somewhere between step 2 and step 4, depending on how quickly we can pay things off and save for other things appropriately.

I know personal finances are a very private thing for most people, and since this is the Internet, I will not share tons of details. But, Nate and I are so excited about this. We are embarrassed about the stupidity and ignorance that got us to where we were, but we don't even mind talking about it because we are on the path to get out of it. I will continue to update on our progress, probably after we start the class!

Project 31: Day 16: Dear Ellie

Day 16.  Write a letter to your daughter, or a young girl in your life. Tell her what beauty means.

Dear Ellie,
You turned just 11 weeks old yesterday, but I already know we are going to have a special relationship. I'm not your mama. You have a very special mama, though, and sometimes when I look at you, I know you are the spitting image of her. She has gorgeous red hair and a very genuine and infectious smile. Though I'm not your daddy, I'm your daddy's sister. You have a very special daddy, too. He was the best big brother a girl like me could ever have hoped for. He took care of me, and we were best buds. Sometimes when I look at you, I can't see anyone else but him in you. But I'm not your mama or your daddy. I'm your aunt.

Your mama asked me what I want you to call me. That's kind of a confusing topic as I am also going to be your nanny, starting on the day you turn 12 weeks old. I hope you'll eventually learn to call me Aunt Laura. Your mama came up with a baby sign for you to call me as soon as you can learn it. I don't really care what you call me when you first learn to talk. I'm sure whatever it is will melt my heart. I've never had a close relationship with any of my aunts (I've only met one of the three). Uncle Nate has two fantastic aunts who I really look up to, so maybe I can go to them for advice on how to be a good aunt. For now, I'm just going to be the best aunt I can be.

I'm not sure how long I will be your nanny. I'm not sure how long it will be until you have a baby brother or sister or a baby cousin to share my time with you. But I will always be your aunt. Always. I know I'm not your only aunt. You have some fabulous aunts on your mama's side. I hope you cherish the time you get to spend with them since for now they live so very far away. Aunt Becka, on your daddy's side, is pretty great, too, though you haven't met her yet. (She and Uncle Jonathan are getting married this summer, and you get to go meet them!) But I hope that you and I have a special relationship based on the foundation we'll have from me being your nanny as well. I am so looking forward to the times we'll spend together, much more than you can possibly imagine right now. I hope I'm able to teach you lots of new things and instill in you some lasting qualities. I don't feel qualified to teach you anything, but I believe with all my heart that God called me to move to Texas to be your nanny. I know that he doesn't call the qualified but qualifies the called. I know that concept is way over your 11-week-old head, but I pray that someday when you get to read this that you'll get it. I don't have to be "able" to be your nanny. God will give me the knowledge and skills I need. I just have to be available and faithful to be used by him.


There's one more thing I want to tell you. Among all of the important things your parents and I want to teach you, I want to be an example of beauty to you. That doesn't mean that I want to look pretty and wear fancy dresses and put on makeup every day and teach you to do the same. God made us all different on the outside, and I want you to learn to embrace your own beauty as you grow. Believe me, that is easier said than done! We're pretty sure you are going to have gorgeous red hair, just like your mama, aunts, and grammy. But whether you do or not doesn't really matter. We know you are going to be beautiful because you already are. But the part of your beauty that matters the most is your inner beauty. It's the part that is important to God. Your beauty inside shines through and makes you beautiful on the outside. When you play nice with your friends or siblings, it increases your beauty. When you obey your parents, it increases your beauty. When you talk to God, it increases your beauty. When you worship Him, it increases your beauty. I know you are too young to understand right now, but before you know it, or before I know it, rather, you will understand it all too well. I am so excited to see the beautiful baby, girl, young woman, and woman you become.


I love you, Ellie Bean.


Always,
Aunt Laura

Project 31: Day 15: Laura

Day 15. Write to encourage a friend. Inspire her beauty.

At the risk of someone thinking I'm writing in the 3rd person, this post is about my best friend, Laura.

Summer 2010

I love that in that picture we're both wearing our respective favorite colors. Believe it or not, people have asked us if we're sisters. We're not. But we have a lot in common. And a lot dissimilar about us.

January 2004

You should have known us seven years ago - been around us on a daily basis. There are only 3-4 four girls who've had that pleasure unfortunate fate. We had a frustrating beginning to our relationship. Were either of us the type of people who give up on relationships, we probably would have a long time ago. It's kind of humorous to think of now, but we fought. A lot. There were many angry IMing conversations late at night. But we got through it. And our perseverance has paid off.

We've been friends for seven years now, and I don't know what I'd do without her. She encourages me, supports me, loves me, confides in me, trusts me, makes me laugh, cries with me, reminisces with me, and spurs me to be the best I can be. She's my best friend. We supported each other through college classes. We've held each other accountable spiritually. We've gone on movie dates and dinner dates. We've watched many, many movies together. We've poured our hearts out to each other on many late nights in Muffitt. We've shared secrets. We've exchanged many birthday and Christmas gifts. We've shared boy stories.

Pre-wedding rehearsal massages, May 2008

My wedding, May 2008

I was so glad to have had her by my side throughout my wedding. I am not sure I would have survived the pre-wedding nerves without our massage/manicure date. It was absolutely the best thing we could have done together, and a memory I will always cherish. I am so excited to be by her side throughout her wedding in August. I can't wait to be there through all of the pre-wedding stuff for her. I am sure we are going to have another massage/manicure date before the wedding, and I'm so ready to be there for her as she was for me.

The Part Where I Encourage Her

Laura, thank you for all of the late night talks, the times you paid for me for things when you knew I couldn't, the times you've encouraged me, and the times you've been brutally honest with me when you knew I needed it. You're beautiful. I know you hear that from Andrew nearly every day, but sometimes you need to hear it from others, too. It never hurts!   You have such a great smile, and I don't have to tell you that your laugh is infectious. It never fails to cause me to laugh, too. Beauty is not only skin-deep, though, and you are beautiful inside, too. I love seeing you interact with kids and babies. You have a natural skill with them. You are going to be a great mom someday. You are so much more studious than I have ever been. I have been known to be diligent, but I also procrastinate. Not you. You can't relax until your work is done. I've always admired that in you. You are thoughtful, too. There is almost always Dr. Pepper waiting for me when I come to visit. The fact that you think about me when I'm not there means more to me than the actual Dr. Pepper, though I like that, too. Living far from you is super-hard for me. It was hard when we graduated college, but living over 1,000 miles from you is a lot harder. You have encouraged me that nothing will change, and I believe it. I love you!

Project 31: Day 7: Melanie

Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

I've been praying about who God would have me write to encourage. The same beautiful woman comes to mind each time. I am beginning to understand what it means for God to lay people on your heart and that there is a reason for it. I have no idea why, but I'm pleased to write a little backstory about why and how she has encouraged me followed by a few words I have to say to her.

How We Met:

Melanie and I met and got to know each other summer 2007 at the campground where we both used to work in the housekeeping department. I'm the second on the left, and she's the one on the far right. We were at similar places in our lives at the time, and we had some great discussions. We both got engaged within weeks (it may have been more like days...I can't remember exactly) of each other. Well, the summer ended, but as people do, we added each other on Facebook to stay in touch. We didn't really converse a lot over that next year. She was a senior in college, and I was struggling getting my first "real job". It was fun, however, to watch each other wedding plan as our wedding dates were one week apart! After our weddings, I eventually discovered she had a blog, and though I hadn't started one yet at the time, I remember occasionally reading hers. I probably didn't comment much, but I enjoyed reading about the adventures of her and her husband.

The One with Her Blog That Has Encouraged Me :o)

Then she wrote this blog post about how her husband quit his job in a grad school program and how they were trusting God to provide for them with no real source of income. I remember reading how she wasn't freaking out. I knew that God must have been giving her a peace about it. I knew that was awesome and I definitely respected her for it, but I have to be honest, part of me still thought, Oh my goodness. It's so irresponsible to quit a job without another lined up. God will provide but you have to work hard. You can't just expect Him to drop money in your lap. Not that I was placing judgment on them. Like I said, I knew God would provide, but I guess I was freaking out for them just a little bit. I think knowing God will provide and being faced with having to totally rely on Him to provide are totally different things. I remember reading that to Nate. We commented that we could never do that, but on the other hand, good for them.

Well fast-forward two years. Melanie wrote this post about what had happened in the two years following and how Kevin wanted to be a pastor now, a decision he never would have made had he not originally quit his PhD program. God did a MAJOR work in me in the approximately two years in between these posts. For some reasons that were very important to me, I felt I needed to leave a job I really loved doing about seven months before I actually did leave. I had thought about it a lot. I had prayed about it. I had talked to my husband about it. We had prayed about it. I read what happened with Kevin and Melanie and was so encouraged. I remember sitting at McDonald's with my husband the day I quit my job and looking at Kevin and Mel as an example of trusting God to provide and what that really means practically. I absolutely could not believe we were considering something similar. I wanted God's will first and foremost. I was scared out of my boots, but I did it. God gave me a peace that I can't even describe to you. Nate and I both knew it was the right thing for me to do, but it was one of the scariest things I'd ever done.

Fast-forward another 5 months. In those few months, we experienced much frustration, much tightening on the finances, and many, many, many conversations about our future. In mid-December, God did a huge work in our lives. With very little warning, He basically dropped the perfect job (nanny for my niece AND freelance graphic designer) into my lap and in a matter of a week, we were moving to Texas. It was extremely sudden, but we knew with almost no doubt that it was what God wanted. For more info on this, you should probably read this and if your really bored and interested go ahead and read this too. My husband, Nate, had to quit his job and when our HSA (health savings account...a form of health insurance) runs out, we will have no health insurance. This trumps quitting my job as one of the scariest things I've done. Now suddenly, we were in Kevin and Melanie's shoes. We were doing some of the idiotic things for Christ* that they had done. They have been blessed beyond measure. God has taken their willing hearts and made something beautiful. Their ministry is flourishing. It is absolutely beautiful to watch.

The Part Where I Encourage Her

Melanie, dear, I want to thank you for writing from your heart. I want to thank you for using your God-given talents, your human quirky uniqueness, and your real life experiences for His glory. I love that you have a blog for your youth group. I love your transparency to your teens in your blog and in life. I can tell that you are a huge encouragement to them and a wonderful role model for them to look up to. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs in your marriage. I smile when I think of you two working together, hand in hand, as a team. A healthy (not to be confused with perfect) marriage is so, so beautiful. Don't hate me when you read my initial reaction to Kevin's quitting his PhD program. I wanted to relate it because of the irony of how God has used my reaction to teach me more about Himself and to prepare me for others to react to me that way. I know he is preparing something for Nate and me that is the absolute best thing for us, and seeing your flourishing ministry encourages me whenever I start to doubt. I love how you share your struggles and triumphs with eating well and exercising. I love that you wear many hats and that you thrive in doing many different jobs when many people struggle juggling just one. I have no idea how the next two years will unfold for the Eccles or the Piatts, but I know God has some exciting things in store. I want to encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. Everyone has days they wonder if what they are doing really matters, and I just pray that this can be an encouragement to you in some small way. You're beautiful!

*Watch the sermon "Idiots for Christ" by Craig Groeschel via that link. Trust me, if God has ever asked you to do something crazy, you will be able to relate and will love this sermon. You can listen to the podcast instead if you prefer. :o)

Project 31: Day 6: Jaded Beauty

Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Not really. Ok, that's not true. But really, I don't have any dramatic stories of how I used to want to look like exactly like gorgeous celebrities in magazines and how I've overcome that. I don't have a specific story to relate. But I think as women, we all struggle with wanting to change our appearance to some degree. We aren't satisfied with the way we look. We're too heavy, too thin, too short, too tall, too light-skinned, too dark-skinned, too plain, too curvy, too flat-chested, too something. I don't know a woman of any age who doesn't want to change or improve herself physically in some way.

While sometimes that is a good thing, most of the time it's not. We put too much pressure on ourselves to change ourselves for the wrong reasons. We don't love the skin we're in. I was thinking about this while I was driving a few days ago, and I concluded that we aren't born with this view of ourselves. As small children, we couldn't care less how thin, tall, or tan we are. We play with our friends, oblivious to how their appearance compares to ours. But as we grow, we learn from our culture to start comparing ourselves to other women. And something happens that makes us want to be someone we're not.

My face is too round. My legs are too short. My ears are too small and flat. My nose turns up on the end and wiggles when I talk. My stomach is too flabby. My hips are too wide. I have weird combination skin (both dry and oily).

We all do it. The details may be different, but we all have issues with ourselves. But it takes strong encouragement from loving parents, husbands, friends, etc. to break us of this. It takes us learning to see ourselves as God's princesses and wanting to improve ourselves because we want to be more like Him, not because we compare ourselves to others and want to look like them. It has taken me a long time to learn that. I have learned to embrace the things I cannot change, or if not embrace them, ignore them. The things I can change, I have learned to improve them because it is what is best for me and not out of a desire to be someone I'm not.

Project 31: Day 5: Heart Alive

Day 5: Write a blog thanking someone who has made your heart come alive.

I cannot even read this day's title without thinking of a specific individual. I know most people will write this about their husbands or about someone else very close to them. My husband has made my heart come alive, but I did not feel as though I should write this particular blog about him. Instead, I chose someone else who has very much influenced my life. The wording "your heart come alive" instantly puts the song, "Alive" by Rebecca St. James. The following lyrics especially:

You make me come alive
I found the secret
It’s only when I let go of what I want in this life
You make me come alive

Ever since I was about 13 years old, I've been a huge fan of Rebecca St. James. Her music, devotionals, testimony, concerts, etc. have influenced me more than any others. I asked Jesus into my heart and accepted his gift of salvation at a very young age, but it wasn't until I was about 13 that I really came alive. I got baptized at 13, and my spiritual life grew by leaps and bounds. I started prayer journaling, as influenced by her, and my prayer journals are among my most precious possessions.

Though she's not someone I actually "know" or someone who will ever read this, I would like to thank Rebecca St. James for following God's path for her life. She's been singing publicly since she was 14, that's almost 20 years now. She stands for what she believes and holds to that very strongly. It is so inspiring. I wish I could go out for coffee with her sometime and chat with her about life, wedding planning (she just got engaged over Christmas), and God. She is truly an amazing woman of God.

But since I can't sit down with her personally, I will let this blog serve as my thank you. She gave me someone positive to look up to, a beautiful, talented, great role model for my young, impressionable teenage life. She helped me see that a relationship with God is really what makes your heart come alive. But it doesn't stop there. She has emphasized these points so much in the past 15 years that I should have them memorized. 1) Dig into the Bible. 2) Pray. 3) Grab all the Christian friends you can. 4) Get rid of the junk in your life. 5) Get involved in church. I did those things. I'm still doing those things. Or at least learning how to keep doing those things through all of life's twists and turns. I'm so not perfect, but I'm thankful that my Jesus is. He loves me just the way I am. He is the source of my joy and my strength. He makes me come alive. Thank you, Rebecca, for showing me that.

*These are pictures that I have taken of Rebecca and as such are my property. Please do not take them and use them for anything without asking me first. Thank you!

Empathizing with the Pain of Loss

One aspect of my personality is empathy, which gives me a strong desire to feel the pain of others and somehow try to ease that pain. Usually its pain I've never even experienced in my own life. Other times, its pain I know only too well. Sometimes it makes me a softy. Sometimes it means I cry during movies when things happen to fictional characters or people I don't even know. I'm such a Golden Retriever, it's not even funny.

In the past few years, I have had several friends experience miscarriage. On Monday, I just found out another friend was going through it. As someone who has not yet become a parent, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child, let alone one in the womb. The "Why me, God?" questions must be so difficult to face, especially when the miscarriage occurs after so many people knew you were pregnant...to have to face people and tell them you lost the baby. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. The desire to curl up, hide from society, and become numb would be so strong for me.

I recently heard this song, by Natalie Grant called "Held." It's by no means a new song - it came out in 2005 - and though I've heard it many times before, only recently did I actually listen to the lyrics and look them up. I nearly balled my eyes out. Had I not been at work, I probably would have.

Held

by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little / They let him go / They had no sudden healing
To think that Providence / Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling / Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and / Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us / Who have died to live, it's unfair

:: Chorus ::
This is what it means to be held / How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive / This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell / We'd be held

This hand is bitterness / We want to taste it and / Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly / To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

[Chorus]

:: Bridge ::
If hope is born of suffering / If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour / Watching for our Savior

[Chorus]
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know / That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held / This is what it means to be held.....

How perfect. How it must break the heart of God when these terrible sorts of things happen to people. Many people ask why bad things happen to good people. I always think that is such a crazy question. I'm non-confrontational, so I never say anything. But really. What is the definition of a good person anyway? We're all sinners, those who are in Christ and those who are not, have all fallen short of the glory of God. It says so in the Bible. Even people who don't believe that know that no one is perfect. We're saved because of what He did, not because we believe in Him and are somehow magically turned into "good people." The promise was not that bad things wouldn't happen to us anymore. As the song says, "The promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held."

I read or heard somewhere, though I can't for the life of me remember where, of a Christian couple who had a baby girl who was born somehow handicapped. I don't remember the specifics. They went through the "why us, God?" questions and eventually gained what I think is an awesome perspective. What if there were a total percentage of babies that had to be born handicapped? What if God gave that to you to bear in order to spare from someone else? If you knew there had to be a total number distributed between all mankind from now to the end of time, as a believer, would you not volunteer for the job? This couple took on this perspective. The fact that they were given a baby that they had the financial, spiritual, and physical ability to care for became a blessing. God gave her to them to take care of her instead of someone else.

I think the same thing could apply to miscarriages or really any pain we experience that we deem unfair. Not to diminish the pain felt, but to gain a new perspective on it. What if there were a total number of miscarriages that had to happen throughout time? What if God gave it to you to bear rather than to someone He knew would not be able to carry the burden or endure the grief. The Bible doesn't actually say, "God will never give you more than you can handle." Sometimes He does allow you to be in situations that you don't think you can handle, but in reality, those are the times He wants you to rely on Him to carry you. If He didn't let those sorts of things happen to you, you'd think you handled everything in your own strength. Why would you even need Him? Really, isn't that what the Bible is saying in Psalm 71:20-21? "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." Also, Lamentations 3:31-33 "For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."

It probably seems easy for me to say. I've never actually experienced great pain in loss. Sure I've lost loved ones, actually only once, but there's a world of difference between losing an 80 year old grandfather and losing a child. I was VERY close to my grandpa, and oftentimes now, I will find myself thinking about him and how much I miss the presence of such a wonderful man of God who without a doubt loved me and my family with a Christ-like love. I don't think that pain can even compare to the grief of losing a child who had been growing inside of you. I only know from what I've heard, the strong bond between a mother and a child, especially in the womb. Even though I may never know this pain, I try to empathize anyway and my heart just breaks for people going through something like this. I mean for most people, a funeral helps bring closure to the grief they experience, but there is no funeral for a miscarried baby. No real closure. So, I pray for them. I try to encourage them and be there for them. I pray for them some more. I thank God for his blessings. I see the strength in these women (and their families) and am actually encouraged by them. I hope and pray that if I'm ever in their situation or even a similar one, that I will exhibit the same strength and reliance on God that I see in them. And maybe I'll look back on this post and be reminded of God's promises.