Gateway Church :: Membership and Volunteering

As I've mentioned many times on this blog, when we moved to Texas, we knew it was where God wanted us to be. Similarly, when we started attending Gateway Church, where my brother and sister-in-law both worked, we felt at home there. We actually didn't do any "church shopping" at all because we felt like God was telling us, "This is it; this is where I want you to be. Stay at Gateway."

Gateway is not what we're used to...at all. (I'd like to write all about the size, the children's ministry, the worship, etc., but that will have to wait for another post.) But from everything we've learned about this church, it is absolutely right where we need to be. We did our homework right from the beginning. We researched the website, and at our first opportunity, attended the first of the three membership classes, which are more like seminars, called Catch the Vision.

I'm going to be really, really descriptive for this part, just because Gateway is such a different church than we've ever attended, and we'd like to dispel any rumors or apprehension any of our family and friends might have after hearing about our involvement with this new church. That being said, if you could care less, please feel free to skip to the end to read about how I'm going to be getting involved by volunteering starting in September, hopefully.

Catch the Vision
This first class was more like a seminar, a totally low-key, informational format that allowed you to make your decision on whether to become a member either immediately or later, at your leisure. I loved that there was no pressure. We watched a video about the history of the church, and it was really awesome to see how they followed God's direction at every turn. I was especially pleased to discover the church was born out of God leading our pastor to start a church rather than a group that started after breaking away from another church after a conflict. The class provided a workbook full of information including the history, vision, mission, statement of faith, and position papers (which could also be seen as their doctrine). I eagerly read it all. We prayerfully considered our decision and became members after attending for less than a month!

The Journey
The second class, called the Journey, is a lot like a class I took in college called Core 300. It focused on your personal spiritual walk, and it explained a lot of basic theology about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. It was a good refresher for us and confirmed again that Gateway teaches what we already believe doctrinally. There was one topic, having to do with the Holy Spirit, that was and still is a struggle for me, but in a good way. Having grown up in the church and having attended a Christian university, it is easy for me to get comfortable that I already know everything I need to know about what I believe. It's foolish to think I know everything there is to know, as I could go my whole lifetime learning and still barely scratch the surface, so I like that there are a few areas, especially, that have come to my attention in this class where I have room to grow.

Discovery
The third class, called Discovery, was also a lot like a class I took in college combined with a seminar I took in college. The first was a required course called Core 400, and the seminar, called Discovering My Design, was a several-day workshop offered to sophomores. I love personality tests and learning more about who I am and how people interact with each other. It fascinates me. Needless to say, I was looking forward to this class with much excitement. Catch the Vision had emphasized the need to get plugged in to a group, a necessity in such a large church, as well as getting involved as a volunteer. I've always believed it is important to minister and to get ministered to equally. Discovery is Gateway's way of helping you get to know yourself better in order to find the best place for you to serve...and to actually enjoy every second of it, rather than doing it out of obligation. I love this concept!

Most of the workbook could not be completed in class as there was just not enough time to cover it all, so I worked on most of it at home. The finished results were to be applied to the Servant Profile. The sections covered were:
1. Life Experiences, where you were given the opportunity to write about experiences you had whether it was something difficult, relational, achievement-related, or ministry-related that might impact where you might choose to serve. One example I used was achieving my art degree, and how I wanted to use my creative skills in some fashion in ministry.
2. Passion and Interests, where you could describe the things that you most enjoyed doing, and my examples included working with kids.
3. Personality, in which I took a version of the DISC test which is also compatible with the Gary Smalley Personality Types: Lion, Otter, Golden Retriever, and Beaver. I scored exactly how I expected: S (Golden Retriever), with an ability to pull out the I (Otter) or C (Beaver) when necessary.
4. Spiritual Gifts. A questionnaire almost identical to one I took in Core 400 in college which helped you know which God-given gifts you had, which for me included Craftsmanship (creativity), Exhortation (encouragement), and Helps/Service/Hospitality (assisting others, serving others, and making others feel comfortable).
5. Strengths/Abilities/Skills. This section dealt with your natural strengths. If you are familiar with the Strength Finder test, that is basically what this was. I scored high on Input (collecting, archiving, and traveling to learn more), Learner (enjoying learning more on a variety of topics), Relator (wanting to know a few people closely), Context (fascinated with learning from the past), and Arranger (organizing complex things).

[If you've skipped to the end, start HERE.]

After completing the Servant Profile, I was connected with someone, called a Ministry Placement Coach, whose job (as a volunteer herself) is to help others find their perfect place to volunteer. I just met with my coach for the first time today after church, and I have to say I'm so excited to get involved. She explained a few ideas where she thought I might be a good fit. She told me about the Event Administration volunteers who help to decorate for events. I'm sure my face lit up when she described it, and I told her that sounded really fun. If you've ever been to Gateway for any event, you know they go all out making it a fun environment for those in attendance. I love decorating, and I'm really excited to get to do this. I'll also probably begin working in Gateway's Amazing Kids, the kids' ministry, which has a more involved application and interview process in order to help keep the kids safe in such a large church. Ideally if I pass that process, I'll begin helping with the kids groups or in the nursery on the weekends.

After meeting with my coach, I don't have to do anything else until the ministries contact me. I love that Gateway has the volunteer ministry organized so well and that it is set up so that I have a contact person. Once I start volunteering, if I'm unhappy with my placement, all I have to do is contact my coach and she'll move me. That simplifies it a lot, and makes it a lot less awkward. (There's no going to a leader of a ministry and trying to come up with excuses for why you don't want to volunteer with them anymore.)

So that's what I have to look forward to in the next few weeks...getting involved. We're also going to get involved in a group, which I will explain more about in another post when I have more information.

Project 31: Day 18: Personality

Day 18.  Describe your personality.


I've described my personality many times on this blog. Let's face it, I don't have a problem writing about myself. I'm going to spare you from repetition and post a list of previous blog entries on the topic of my personality.


Empathizing with the Pain of Loss is mostly about empathy, which is part of me.
Random Bits is a much more lighthearted post about my personality than the previous one.
The Best Post EVER is a not-so-popular post about my dislike for people using superlatives when talking about people.
Project 31: Day 1 talks about what beauty means to me personally.
Project 31: Day 2 goes into detail about what I think makes me unique.


That should be enough to give you a good idea.

Project 31: Day 8: Beauty Secret

Day 8. Have a beauty secret (e.g. hair tip, make up tip)? Share, please!

Wow. Not really. I should not be your go-to person on anything beauty/fashion/makeup related. I'm just not an expert, and I do my own thing.

I guess if I had one tip to give, it would be: sometimes mascara is all you need. Sometimes it's all you need to make you feel gorgeous on an average, ordinary day when you're just out running errands in jeans and a t-shirt. Maybe I'll post a picture later.

Project 31: Day 6: Jaded Beauty

Day 6. Jaded beauty. Has the world's definition of beauty ever jaded you?

Not really. Ok, that's not true. But really, I don't have any dramatic stories of how I used to want to look like exactly like gorgeous celebrities in magazines and how I've overcome that. I don't have a specific story to relate. But I think as women, we all struggle with wanting to change our appearance to some degree. We aren't satisfied with the way we look. We're too heavy, too thin, too short, too tall, too light-skinned, too dark-skinned, too plain, too curvy, too flat-chested, too something. I don't know a woman of any age who doesn't want to change or improve herself physically in some way.

While sometimes that is a good thing, most of the time it's not. We put too much pressure on ourselves to change ourselves for the wrong reasons. We don't love the skin we're in. I was thinking about this while I was driving a few days ago, and I concluded that we aren't born with this view of ourselves. As small children, we couldn't care less how thin, tall, or tan we are. We play with our friends, oblivious to how their appearance compares to ours. But as we grow, we learn from our culture to start comparing ourselves to other women. And something happens that makes us want to be someone we're not.

My face is too round. My legs are too short. My ears are too small and flat. My nose turns up on the end and wiggles when I talk. My stomach is too flabby. My hips are too wide. I have weird combination skin (both dry and oily).

We all do it. The details may be different, but we all have issues with ourselves. But it takes strong encouragement from loving parents, husbands, friends, etc. to break us of this. It takes us learning to see ourselves as God's princesses and wanting to improve ourselves because we want to be more like Him, not because we compare ourselves to others and want to look like them. It has taken me a long time to learn that. I have learned to embrace the things I cannot change, or if not embrace them, ignore them. The things I can change, I have learned to improve them because it is what is best for me and not out of a desire to be someone I'm not.

Project 31: Day 3: Inspiration

Day 3. Who is someone you know who inspires beauty?

Oh boy. I'm going to have to think long and hard about this one. This might be a stream of consciousness post, just a warning. Someone I know. I am inspired by lots of people I don't know whose blogs I read. I don't think that counts. Hmm. Inspires beauty how? Inspires me to be beautiful? Inspires beauty in those around them? Inspires you to make things that are beautiful? I could take this so many ways. I'm going to stick with inspires me to be beautiful because that seems to fit the theme best. I make a quick mental list: Nate, mom, Polly (my mother-in-law), GramE. Then I pause and wonder, just one? No. It would be a disservice to the ones I left out if I chose only one. So, with that, I am going to bend the rules a little, and write about all four of the ones I mentioned.

My husband Nate inspires me to be beautiful by the way he affirms me and tells me I look beautiful even when I don't try and especially when I don't agree. He tells me I am beautiful almost daily, and sometimes I say, "Really? Today? I haven't showered. My hair's a mess. I look terrible today." He gets so irritated with me, and rightly so. One time, he really called me out on it. "Laura, you know when I tell you that you're beautiful and then you tell me you're not, you are basically calling me a liar. Your distrust in me really makes me feel disrespected." Ouch. But he was right, so right. I have since curbed my instinct to deny his compliment. This is one of the main reasons I knew we were so meant for each other. He tells me what I need to hear when I need to hear it in a loving but straightforward manner. Never harsh or hurtful. In love. I cherish him for that. Now on days when I don't feel beautiful and he tells me I am, I force a smile and thank him. Each time, it gets easier to accept. Because of the way he shows love to me, he makes me want to be even more beautiful on the inside and out.

My mom, Linda, who is one of the strongest women I've ever known, inspires me to be as strong as she is. As with many women, she has been through more than she deserves. But I know God allowed things to happen to her because he knew she would trust him through it all and it would make her a stronger person. I love that we've become such great friends now that I'm grown. She has always told me that I'm beautiful, for as long as I can remember. My parents were very good, they still are, at encouraging me and telling me I was beautiful and talented. I knew they really believed it and weren't just telling me because they had to. I think so easily we dismiss encouragement from parents because we feel they have a moral obligation to tell us things about ourselves, even things that aren't true. What a ridiculous notion that is. There are always positive things to say about someone; there is no need to lie and tell them they are good at something when they aren't. I was never told I was a great athlete. That would have been preposterous. I'm not an athlete at all. But I have always been told how talented I am at writing and art. Those are things I love and that I am good at. My mom was and still is such a beautiful mom. When I grow up, I want to be as great a mom to my kids as she was and is to me. She has inspired me to be a beautiful mom myself someday.

My mother-in-law, Polly, is another strong influence in my life who inspires me. Though I've only known her for the past 4-5 years, I have really loved the role she has played in my life so far. I am thankful we have lived close so that I could get to know her better and spend time with her. She and Nate have a great relationship, too, which I am so thankful for. I remember once or twice she has told me, "I prayed for you." When Nate was growing up, she prayed for the woman he would some day marry. That resonates with me so strongly, that years before we would ever meet, she was praying for me. My mom was also praying for Nate. I am so thankful to have prayer as a very early base for our marriage! Polly is also a breast cancer survivor. I hope she doesn't mind me posting that for the world to see, but after thinking about it, I wanted to tell people how it has impacted me. She struggled with breast cancer before I knew her, but I have seen the look on Nate's face when he's told me stories about it. He remembers how strong she was spiritually and physically and how strong she still is now that she's cancer-free! She is a fighter for sure, and I just find that so inspiring. I hope if I am ever faced with hard challenges that she has had to face that I can take them on with the same strength and trust in God that she has. She inspires me to be a fighter no matter what. She's also an amazing cook! Nate grew up with a mom who is a fantastic cook. No, seriously. I have a lot to live up to!

My eighty-six year old grandmother has such a rich history, and I love it when she shares her wonderful stories with me. She is my last living grandparent, the only one who was able to be there for my wedding. At 5'3, she's tougher than she looks! She has had just about every non-life threatening health problem there is! She's super healthy, though. I think she takes like one pill a day besides her vitamins, which I guess is crazy for someone her age. She still lives alone in an independent retirement community in Florida where she and my grandpa moved when I was four years old. She goes on walks every day, gardens, cooks, cleans - everything she's done for as long as I've known her. I am her only granddaughter, and she has doted on me more than you could imagine! I believe my strong love of my heritage comes from her (through my mom). Since my grandpa passed away in 2003, she and I have gotten much closer. Never have I seen two people more in love than my grandparents were. They were married for 53 years before he passed away. I miss him a ton, and I can't image how much she must miss him every moment of every day. She inspires me to leave a beautiful legacy to my grandchildren someday, like she has to me.

So, sorry if I cheated a little bit. I am daily inspired by so many people - many who I do not know! I hope it inspired you in some small way to read about these people who have touched me so greatly. This post is part of a blog challenge started by She Breathes Deeply. Read more about it here or click the Project 31 picture above.

Project 31: Day 2: Unique

Day 2: What makes you uniquely you?

I'm pretty excited about this topic, posed by She Breathes Deeply. I find it super easy to write about myself and the stuff I like. My uniqueness in home decorating, fashion, art, you-name-it is split almost in half by two very different styles. They are almost as different as night and day.

Romantic

Victorian. Organic. Lace. Ruffles. Beads. Ribbon. Ornamentation. Serifs. Edwardian. Anne of Green Gables. Dresses. Pink. Roses. Picnics. Experiences. Tea. Novels. Chick flicks. Coffee shops. Bookstores. Historical fiction. Country roads. Antiques. Antique stores. Old homes. Long hair. Daydreaming. Elegance. Dogs. England. Hymns. Tradition. Royalty. Tiny, white chapels. Painting. Writing. Dancing. Walking outdoors. Gardening. Gothic architecture.

Urban

IKEA. Form follows function. Organization. Labels. Futuristic. Apple products. Clean. Purposeful. Graphic design. Cities. Travel. Star Trek. San-serifs. Etsy. T-shirts and jeans. Geometric. Non-fiction books. Efficiency. Smart design. Realistic. Practical. Modern (not to be confused with post-modern of which I am not a fan). Praise choruses. Technology. Concerts. Spontaneity. Escalators. I Am Not A Paper Cup. Online shopping. Large, mega-churches. Podcasts. Biggest Loser DVD workouts. Yoga. Appliances. Sci-Fi. Scheduled.

Nate and I got all dressed up for a fall train ride for my birthday. My sweater, pastel shirt, and cameo shout the romantic side of me pretty loudly. Those who work with him would be shocked to learn that Nate likes to dress up. He loves Fedora style hats, and I love when he wears ties!

This is also a very "us" picture taken by my dear photographer friend, Danielle. We were wandering in a downtown area of a nearby city. This is pretty obviously the urban side. Also, notice my new blog design. It's very urban and modern. We are moving to Texas in a few days, so in honor of that, the new blog is very grungy.

As far as personality type, according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, I am almost exactly half introvert and half extrovert. This means I get my energy both from being with people and from being alone. Personally, I think that's pretty weird and unusual. I have not yet met anyone else like that. It's like my personality can't decide which way it wants to go. I am actually pretty thankful for this because I can relate to both introverts and extroverts.

Maybe you'd call that somewhat bi-polar or say I have a split personality. I don't know that that is true, but trust me, I've tried to choose to be all romantic or all urban stylistically. It doesn't work. Similarly, if I try to be with people ALL the time, I get really cranky. If I am alone all the time, I get really depressed. So for me, finding my uniqueness has involved allowing myself to embrace both sides of me. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay to be both and to love both. I hope to keep showing both sides of my uniqueness on the blog.

Project 31: Day 1: Beauty

So I just started following the blog She Breathes Deeply like yesterday, but I have read several of her posts and I just really like them. She's starting this new project called Project 31. I'm not going to go into detail describing it because, well, she does a great job of it herself! I decided to join and try to write one every day or as many days as I can. I've never done a blog challenge before, so we'll see how it goes!

Day 1: What does beauty mean to you?

To define beauty in my own words would be nearly impossible to do with any amount of originality, but I'll try. Beauty, as applied to people, is an outward expression of an inward condition. I also love how Peter described it (1 Peter 3:3-4): "Your beauty should not be an external one, consisting of braided hair or the wearing of gold ornaments and dresses. Instead, it should be the inner disposition of the heart, consisting in the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which God values greatly."

As an artist, I have a trained eye for external beauty. I know about the elements of design like line, color, shape, texture, etc. I also know about the principles of design including balance, unity, repetition, and the like. The elements and principles are the tools I use to define what is beautiful in nature and in art. When applied to people, especially women, it's easy to see beauty in all different shapes, colors, and textures. Think about it. Some women are curvy, and some are tall and thin. Some are dark skinned and some are pale. Some women have beautiful wrinkles, a canvas of texture, while some have beautiful soft skin. They may not embody beauty by the definition popular culture uses, but artistically, they are beautiful.

As a Christian, I have a God-given blueprint for inner beauty as well. I know about the fruits of the spirit such as love, joy, peace, patience, self-control, to name a few. The fruits are how others should see Christ in us. Obviously, it's not always the case. But it should be. It absolutely should be. A person who is beautiful on the inside is patient with her family, loves friend and foe, and is at peace mentally and physically. It's nearly impossible for everyone to display these traits all at once and all of the time.

I feel like the elements/fruits are really the defining characteristics of beauty both physically and spiritually. Isn't it true, that as cliche as it sounds, when someone is inwardly full of joy, externally they look as though they could burst with their excitement and happiness?!? And when someone is at peace, you can tell by their whole aura.

These are a few shots of me on my wedding day, two and a half years ago. Unstaged, unprompted, natural shots.

People tell me they love these two photos. I was full of joy that day. It was unmistakeable. You can't hide the fruits of the spirit. They're evident, or should be, in your daily life. A person who "speaks" them through the way she lives her life radiates beauty. It permeates her entire being. I certainly don't exhibit all of the fruits every day. There are some I'm definitely better at than others, and there are some that I have to work very hard at. Namely patience. That one's hard for me. Not every piece of I create has all or even more than one of the elements and principles in it. Similarly, some come very naturally to me while others I have to consciously work to achieve.

Every woman wants to be told she's beautiful. I'll be the first to admit I love that. I've been told it all my life by my parents and now my husband. It never gets old. Ever. But at the end of the day, I want the reason to be more than skin deep. I want to be so full of the fruits of the spirit that I radiate inner beauty. That will enhance my outer beauty more than makeup or cute outfits ever could. I want my inner beauty to be so evident that when others see my art or read my blog, they just know without being told what kind of person I am. If I could chose a legacy to leave to my future children and grandchildren, I would want it to be that I was a beautiful person, inside and out, just like the Proverbs 31 woman.

The [Sarcastically] Best Post EVER

When it comes to language both written and verbal, I appreciate humorous quips as much as the next girl. It took me awhile, but I started using "fail" in a sentence, though I think saying something is "epic" is still a little too "emo" for me. I guess I have a harder time harnessing my inner 17-year-old boy than others do. I jest. However, there is one colloquial saying that I just can no longer silently tolerate. It has become a huge pet peeve for me.

My [husband, daughter, mom, etc.] is the [insert superlative adjective here, e.g. best, prettiest, smartest] EVER.

I know I'm going to sound hypersensitive, but I find this SO OFFENSIVE. Seriously. When using a superlative, you are by definition making a comparison. For non-grammarian readers, a superlative is basically a descriptive word with an -est at the end of the word. It's usually fine when using it to describe inanimate objects or ideas, but it's pretty much never fine when used about people in public.* For example, when someone tells me they have the best husband ever, I know they don't intend to say that my husband is worse by comparison, but that is exactly what they are saying. My mental reaction is usually, Hmm, I think mine's pretty swell, thank you very much.

Granted, I used to use this phrase all the time to describe people, that is until I bore the brunt of this comparison enough times that it became very hurtful to me. People don't intend it, but after awhile, especially to people whose Love Language is Words of Affirmation, it's very difficult to indirectly be told you, someone you love, or something you've done is second best. As a Christian, I think I can without question say that edifying one person while demeaning another is not really what God intends. I mean it's pretty explicit in Ephesians 4:29, no matter which version you read. The New Living Translation is not usually my go-to version, but I'm a fan of it with this verse: "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."

I am in no way an expert on this. I am also in no way inferring that we should walk on eggshells around people, always worrying that we might offend others. That's just plain nonsense. But think about it, would you walk into a room full of teachers and loudly proclaim to one of them, You're the best teacher EVER!!!? No, you wouldn't. Or if you did, you'd probably get a lot of scowls. Nobody wants to be second best. Now if I told you that Dr. Pepper is the best carbonated beverage EVER, I'd be right. It absolutely is. :o) And if you told me that The Office is the funniest show EVER, I'd probably tell you that you were crazy. I don't think I'll ever understand the draw of that show. But no one would be hurt. I think the Queen of Long-Winded made her point.

I just had to get that out. A huge percentage of people I know use this phrase. I think even my husband recently used it to describe me on Facebook the other day. So I want to clarify that I am not directing this at anyone in particular and don't want anyone to feel judged by me. I just think that we too easily say things we think without considering their effect on others, and I felt the need to present people with a viewpoint on a topic about which they probably haven't given much thought. People are obviously free to formulate their own opinions.

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*I totally tell my husband that he is the best ever in private but never within earshot of other people. When other people are around, I love to publicly encourage him but try to do so without superlatives.

Some Very Random Bits About Me

I am a last minute packer. Always. No matter how stressed out I get because of this poor planning and procrastination and no matter how many times I swear I'll never do it again, it never fails that I find myself staying up extra late or scurrying around extra early in the morning to pack for the next trip. And by last minute, I mean I sometimes literally start packing an hour or two before departure time. I have no idea how I pull this off, but I do.

Sometimes I dress like an adult. Sometimes I dress like a teenager.* And sometimes I dress like a college student. It's true. I love to be a girly girl, and I love dress up. But, as much a fashion disaster as it might be, I still wear t-shirts and hoodies more than I care to admit.

On that note, I would never call myself a tomboy, but I am not afraid to get dirty (as seen in my 4 summers working as a wrangler at a horse camp). However, I hate to stay dirty. Eww. Even ask my mom. "Sure, I'll go play in the sandbox or go swimming in the lake as long as I can shower afterwards." "Mommy, can I help you weed the flowerbed?" 5 minutes later: "Mommy, can I go wash my hands?"

Every time I wrap a present, for Christmas or for any other occasion, I instantly think of my grandmother. Beginning at a young age, she was the one who taught me how to properly wrap a gift. And now, I have become a great present-wrapper. With every fold of the paper, every placement of the tape, and every curl of the ribbon, I smile fondly thinking of her, the dear woman who patiently helped me wrap every present, except hers, of course, for Christmas. I am my grandmother's granddaughter – perfectionist to the last, well except the cutting. I've never been an ace of . . . scissors. (It was the one category in which I received a "needs improvement" mark in kindergarten. End pity party.) But my GramE. taught me how to cover that little fault up pretty easily.

Okay, so you can't really see any of my fine paper folding, ribbon curling skills in this photo, but I like this picture. Just go with it. Also, I designed those Christmas tags last year. I love them. And really, that's all that matters. Am I right? And no, I didn't just say something self-conceited** about gift-giving at Christmas.

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*Or at least I must dress like a teenager, with as often as people underestimate my age. I do oftentimes shop in the Juniors section in stores, but that is usually because the clearance tends to have much better deals than the clearance in Misses. It's been awhile since I've shopped it though. I can't stand most of the now popular 80s style clothes found in Juniors. While I was born in the 80s, I have no desire to dress like a character from "Saved by the Bell", thank you very much.

**self-conceited – adjective (of a person) – excessively proud of oneself; vain, whilst simultaneously lacking consideration for others. Okay, so it's not in the dictionary. It's a term my brother and I made up a few years back for someone who is both selfish AND conceited, as though they aren't synonyms. I know, we're so clever, aren't we?

Empathizing with the Pain of Loss

One aspect of my personality is empathy, which gives me a strong desire to feel the pain of others and somehow try to ease that pain. Usually its pain I've never even experienced in my own life. Other times, its pain I know only too well. Sometimes it makes me a softy. Sometimes it means I cry during movies when things happen to fictional characters or people I don't even know. I'm such a Golden Retriever, it's not even funny.

In the past few years, I have had several friends experience miscarriage. On Monday, I just found out another friend was going through it. As someone who has not yet become a parent, I can't even imagine the pain of losing a child, let alone one in the womb. The "Why me, God?" questions must be so difficult to face, especially when the miscarriage occurs after so many people knew you were pregnant...to have to face people and tell them you lost the baby. I can't imagine how difficult that must be. The desire to curl up, hide from society, and become numb would be so strong for me.

I recently heard this song, by Natalie Grant called "Held." It's by no means a new song - it came out in 2005 - and though I've heard it many times before, only recently did I actually listen to the lyrics and look them up. I nearly balled my eyes out. Had I not been at work, I probably would have.

Held

by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little / They let him go / They had no sudden healing
To think that Providence / Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling / Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and / Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us / Who have died to live, it's unfair

:: Chorus ::
This is what it means to be held / How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive / This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell / We'd be held

This hand is bitterness / We want to taste it and / Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly / To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

[Chorus]

:: Bridge ::
If hope is born of suffering / If this is only the beginning

Can we not wait, for one hour / Watching for our Savior

[Chorus]
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know / That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held / This is what it means to be held.....

How perfect. How it must break the heart of God when these terrible sorts of things happen to people. Many people ask why bad things happen to good people. I always think that is such a crazy question. I'm non-confrontational, so I never say anything. But really. What is the definition of a good person anyway? We're all sinners, those who are in Christ and those who are not, have all fallen short of the glory of God. It says so in the Bible. Even people who don't believe that know that no one is perfect. We're saved because of what He did, not because we believe in Him and are somehow magically turned into "good people." The promise was not that bad things wouldn't happen to us anymore. As the song says, "The promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held."

I read or heard somewhere, though I can't for the life of me remember where, of a Christian couple who had a baby girl who was born somehow handicapped. I don't remember the specifics. They went through the "why us, God?" questions and eventually gained what I think is an awesome perspective. What if there were a total percentage of babies that had to be born handicapped? What if God gave that to you to bear in order to spare from someone else? If you knew there had to be a total number distributed between all mankind from now to the end of time, as a believer, would you not volunteer for the job? This couple took on this perspective. The fact that they were given a baby that they had the financial, spiritual, and physical ability to care for became a blessing. God gave her to them to take care of her instead of someone else.

I think the same thing could apply to miscarriages or really any pain we experience that we deem unfair. Not to diminish the pain felt, but to gain a new perspective on it. What if there were a total number of miscarriages that had to happen throughout time? What if God gave it to you to bear rather than to someone He knew would not be able to carry the burden or endure the grief. The Bible doesn't actually say, "God will never give you more than you can handle." Sometimes He does allow you to be in situations that you don't think you can handle, but in reality, those are the times He wants you to rely on Him to carry you. If He didn't let those sorts of things happen to you, you'd think you handled everything in your own strength. Why would you even need Him? Really, isn't that what the Bible is saying in Psalm 71:20-21? "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." Also, Lamentations 3:31-33 "For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men."

It probably seems easy for me to say. I've never actually experienced great pain in loss. Sure I've lost loved ones, actually only once, but there's a world of difference between losing an 80 year old grandfather and losing a child. I was VERY close to my grandpa, and oftentimes now, I will find myself thinking about him and how much I miss the presence of such a wonderful man of God who without a doubt loved me and my family with a Christ-like love. I don't think that pain can even compare to the grief of losing a child who had been growing inside of you. I only know from what I've heard, the strong bond between a mother and a child, especially in the womb. Even though I may never know this pain, I try to empathize anyway and my heart just breaks for people going through something like this. I mean for most people, a funeral helps bring closure to the grief they experience, but there is no funeral for a miscarried baby. No real closure. So, I pray for them. I try to encourage them and be there for them. I pray for them some more. I thank God for his blessings. I see the strength in these women (and their families) and am actually encouraged by them. I hope and pray that if I'm ever in their situation or even a similar one, that I will exhibit the same strength and reliance on God that I see in them. And maybe I'll look back on this post and be reminded of God's promises.