...leave to thy God to order and provide...

I often have a hard time with things not going as planned. Not that I consider myself to be a complete planner, but I would rather have a Plan A and be flexible with it than no plan at all. For example, my days off. When I have a day off, completely unscheduled, I get exactly NOTHING done. I stay in lounge clothes. I don't necessarily shower, and sometimes I forget to eat. It's sad, but it's true. I don't get the house clean or the grocery shopping done, unless I planned to do that.

So I generally run with a limited outline in my head of what the next few weeks, months, and years will or should look like. I probably should keep a day planner, but since graduating from college, I don't. Anyway, it generally helps because I like having goals. Goals are great. But, many times I try to make plans involving people or things outside of my control, things I never should have planned in the first place. And then when they don't turn out the way I expected, I just do not handle it well. At all. It's like I set myself up for disappointment.

I know better than to be this way. There are lots of verses in the Bible that remind me not to try to be in charge, but Proverbs 3:5-6 pretty much says it all.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

I know these verses very well. I memorized them in elementary school. But I still need reminders. Because sometimes I read a Bible verse and think, yeah, yeah, I know that I should do ____. But sometimes the concepts are abstract, like trust. Your own understanding. Acknowledge Him. And if I don't take the time to absorb it, I move on because I didn't listen to what God was saying to me or even to apply it to my life. Maybe it's just me, but music (especially hymns) speaks into my life so often and gives me the reminders I so often need. For example, I'll be doing something like checking Facebook and listening to my hymn station on Pandora in the background, and bam! A phrase will just hit me.

I love the song, Be Still My Soul anyway, but the line "leave to thy God to order and provide" has never jumped out at me before. In the middle of a time when my plans were not occurring in the order I wanted them to and also when I knew I couldn't provide for some of my own needs, I heard this line of this song in a whole new way. I can plan and set goals and make lists and budget, but God is ultimately the one who orders my days and provides all of my needs and my wants even before I know what they are.

 

This image is now my desktop background, so I have constant reminders that it's okay to set goals but I need to allow God to micromanage my life.

Project 31: Day 7: Melanie

Day 7. Write a blog to encourage another beautiful woman.

I've been praying about who God would have me write to encourage. The same beautiful woman comes to mind each time. I am beginning to understand what it means for God to lay people on your heart and that there is a reason for it. I have no idea why, but I'm pleased to write a little backstory about why and how she has encouraged me followed by a few words I have to say to her.

How We Met:

Melanie and I met and got to know each other summer 2007 at the campground where we both used to work in the housekeeping department. I'm the second on the left, and she's the one on the far right. We were at similar places in our lives at the time, and we had some great discussions. We both got engaged within weeks (it may have been more like days...I can't remember exactly) of each other. Well, the summer ended, but as people do, we added each other on Facebook to stay in touch. We didn't really converse a lot over that next year. She was a senior in college, and I was struggling getting my first "real job". It was fun, however, to watch each other wedding plan as our wedding dates were one week apart! After our weddings, I eventually discovered she had a blog, and though I hadn't started one yet at the time, I remember occasionally reading hers. I probably didn't comment much, but I enjoyed reading about the adventures of her and her husband.

The One with Her Blog That Has Encouraged Me :o)

Then she wrote this blog post about how her husband quit his job in a grad school program and how they were trusting God to provide for them with no real source of income. I remember reading how she wasn't freaking out. I knew that God must have been giving her a peace about it. I knew that was awesome and I definitely respected her for it, but I have to be honest, part of me still thought, Oh my goodness. It's so irresponsible to quit a job without another lined up. God will provide but you have to work hard. You can't just expect Him to drop money in your lap. Not that I was placing judgment on them. Like I said, I knew God would provide, but I guess I was freaking out for them just a little bit. I think knowing God will provide and being faced with having to totally rely on Him to provide are totally different things. I remember reading that to Nate. We commented that we could never do that, but on the other hand, good for them.

Well fast-forward two years. Melanie wrote this post about what had happened in the two years following and how Kevin wanted to be a pastor now, a decision he never would have made had he not originally quit his PhD program. God did a MAJOR work in me in the approximately two years in between these posts. For some reasons that were very important to me, I felt I needed to leave a job I really loved doing about seven months before I actually did leave. I had thought about it a lot. I had prayed about it. I had talked to my husband about it. We had prayed about it. I read what happened with Kevin and Melanie and was so encouraged. I remember sitting at McDonald's with my husband the day I quit my job and looking at Kevin and Mel as an example of trusting God to provide and what that really means practically. I absolutely could not believe we were considering something similar. I wanted God's will first and foremost. I was scared out of my boots, but I did it. God gave me a peace that I can't even describe to you. Nate and I both knew it was the right thing for me to do, but it was one of the scariest things I'd ever done.

Fast-forward another 5 months. In those few months, we experienced much frustration, much tightening on the finances, and many, many, many conversations about our future. In mid-December, God did a huge work in our lives. With very little warning, He basically dropped the perfect job (nanny for my niece AND freelance graphic designer) into my lap and in a matter of a week, we were moving to Texas. It was extremely sudden, but we knew with almost no doubt that it was what God wanted. For more info on this, you should probably read this and if your really bored and interested go ahead and read this too. My husband, Nate, had to quit his job and when our HSA (health savings account...a form of health insurance) runs out, we will have no health insurance. This trumps quitting my job as one of the scariest things I've done. Now suddenly, we were in Kevin and Melanie's shoes. We were doing some of the idiotic things for Christ* that they had done. They have been blessed beyond measure. God has taken their willing hearts and made something beautiful. Their ministry is flourishing. It is absolutely beautiful to watch.

The Part Where I Encourage Her

Melanie, dear, I want to thank you for writing from your heart. I want to thank you for using your God-given talents, your human quirky uniqueness, and your real life experiences for His glory. I love that you have a blog for your youth group. I love your transparency to your teens in your blog and in life. I can tell that you are a huge encouragement to them and a wonderful role model for them to look up to. Thank you for sharing your struggles and triumphs in your marriage. I smile when I think of you two working together, hand in hand, as a team. A healthy (not to be confused with perfect) marriage is so, so beautiful. Don't hate me when you read my initial reaction to Kevin's quitting his PhD program. I wanted to relate it because of the irony of how God has used my reaction to teach me more about Himself and to prepare me for others to react to me that way. I know he is preparing something for Nate and me that is the absolute best thing for us, and seeing your flourishing ministry encourages me whenever I start to doubt. I love how you share your struggles and triumphs with eating well and exercising. I love that you wear many hats and that you thrive in doing many different jobs when many people struggle juggling just one. I have no idea how the next two years will unfold for the Eccles or the Piatts, but I know God has some exciting things in store. I want to encourage you to keep doing what you're doing. Everyone has days they wonder if what they are doing really matters, and I just pray that this can be an encouragement to you in some small way. You're beautiful!

*Watch the sermon "Idiots for Christ" by Craig Groeschel via that link. Trust me, if God has ever asked you to do something crazy, you will be able to relate and will love this sermon. You can listen to the podcast instead if you prefer. :o)

Resolution-less Goals

I don't make new year's resolutions. I guess I'm just not much for making promises to myself that I don't intend to keep. But, in the back of my mind, I often find myself thinking "oh, maybe this year I'll lose weight or consistently read my Bible or check a few more items off my list of things I'd like to do before I die." Though I never really publicly proclaim them as resolutions, I think those are always the major reoccurring goals I tend to mentally renew every year.

Sometime shortly after New Year's Day 2010, Nate and I decided to seriously start losing some weight. And we did. I didn't quite reach my goal weight, but I'm happy to say that I lost 20 lbs. and have kept it off, give or take about 5 lbs. If I were to make resolutions this year, one would be to knock off the other 20 lbs. I'd like to lose.

I've always wanted to read through the whole Bible in a year, but the reading plans that pick a New Testament and an Old Testament selection every day just never worked for me. I'm too anal-retentive for that kind of chaotic reading plan. So, I downloaded a free Bible app run by YouVersion.com. It has several translations/paraphrases to choose from and countless reading plans that you can customize. I chose the chronological reading plan (in order of when events occurred not by when they were written, though that is another reading plan option). I have LOVED it. I started the plan in October, but I've read ahead so much that I will probably complete it in 9 months instead of the originally planned year. You don't have to have an iPod touch or iPhone to use YouVersion reading plans. You can sign up and use the website. If I were to make resolutions this year, one would be to finish this reading plan.

Since I was a teenager, I have kept a list of things I would like to do before I die. It sounds morbid, but the idea came from a show I saw on the Travel channel about 10 years ago. It's the same as what other people call their "Bucket List." I constantly add to my list, but I currently have about 85 things. I have completed 27 of them. Some are major accomplishments while others are pretty minor. Visit a castle. Check. Drive a tractor. Check. Dance in the rain. Check. See the Blue Man Group in Chicago. Check. Ride an elephant. Check. I checked off about 9 things in 2005 alone. I'm a little sad to say that in 2009 I only completed one: Visit Boston in the fall. In 2010, I learned how to can. While I'm thankful to have gained these wonderful experiences and to have these great memories, I know I can do better than one a year! If I were to make resolutions this year, one would be to complete at least 3 items in 2011.

But since I don't make new year's resolutions, I won't get my hopes up. I won't make any promises to myself that I can't or won't keep. I've no intention of disappointing myself. That would be just awful! On the flip-side, setting goals for oneself can be really encouraging and inspiring, so here's to a new year of setting goals and if not reaching them, being a step or two closer to them by the end of the year than I was at the beginning of it. You may say I'm getting hung up on semantics, but it's my way of setting goals for myself without falling into despair when I don't reach them.

2011 Goals

-20 lbs :: +Bible :: +3 Things