Death at Downton

*Warning: This post talks vaguely about the concept of characters dying on the TV show Downton Abbey from Seasons 1-3. There are no spoilers, I promise.*

Downton Abbey. I started watching this TV show about a year ago at the recommendation of a friend. Season 1 was on Netflix, and right away, I fell in love with the quality and the detail and the costumes and the stories. I didn't love the characters, not at first, but I learned to love all of their little quirks, well, except for the characters I loved to hate. I also wasn't particularly drawn to the time period, but I so love historical fiction that I found it fascinating anyway. To me, the show was about the house and the people that happened to live in it. People would come and go, the house would be altered, but in the end, if the walls could talk, Downton Abbey would tell these stories.

It didn't take long for me to notice that time skipped ahead very quickly as the show went along, and each season of 7-8 episodes covered about 3 years. The family and staff dealt with major issues of the time period and national and world events, and it was written and filmed in such a way that it wasn't hard to follow or stay interested because you noticed the costumes, hairstyles, and other things changing from one episode to the next. As I watched Season 2 and later, Season 3, I had already decided that if I wasn't emotionally detached from the characters, I would later be devastated. I knew they would have to start "killing off" the current generation of characters soon, simply because time had progressed, characters had aged, and potentially actors would want to move on from the show. In addition, death is a natural part of life, and people in history seemed to have to deal with the loss of loved ones a lot more often than we do now. I knew that to be true, and if Downton is to portray an accurate representation of history, I figured the characters would eventually experience it. And they do. I quickly learned to love the show without minding what happened to anyone in it...that is, except my personal favorite character, well, characters . . . John Bates and Anna . . . and of course the Dowager Countess.

I suppose the show hasn't struck others in the same way. I've been told that Downton is a soap opera. Well, soap opera or not, life happens. People die and some move in and out of our lives. It doesn't feel like a stretch to me when and if it happens on a TV show. Just this month, I had two people I know pass away. One died quite suddenly at a young age and the other died suddenly as well, but of old age as she was 96. To have people die on a fictional show is sad too, albeit in a superficial way seeing as the characters aren't real. But because it happens more often on a show than we would like it too doesn't make it terrible writing, especially considering the time period. I know dozens of stories in my family history when someone died suddenly or unexpectedly. To me, it's life.

That being said, the only character on Downton that I actually expect to die soon is the one I can't imagine the show without: the Dowager Countess. The show is great on its own merit, but her personality and wit take it to a new level of excellence. I am afraid the fact that her character was quite old already (when the show began), it would be a stretch for her to live much longer. This makes me sad. I fear the show will lose ratings and popularity when they lose her unless they are able to replace her with someone of equal caliber. I hope they can as I should love to see what happens to Downton in many more seasons and in later decades.

Holy Yoga

I just attended a Holy Yoga class at a nearby church. I first heard of Holy Yoga from another blog I well, used to read. Anyway, I know Christians are really weird about yoga. A lot of people think that just because it is part of a mystical, eastern religion that it's somehow inherently "bad" itself. A Christian singer that I follow on Twitter and Facebook posted recently (about a year ago) about how she was so stiff and she needed to do yoga, and people totally FREAKED OUT. I felt so sorry for her that as part of being in the public eye that she had to stand up to such scrutiny. from. other. Christians. Oy.

My opinion, in a nutshell, is that yoga, like anything else, is more about how you do something than what you do. Attending church and having your heart not in it is an example. Another is money. Money isn't good or bad itself, but how it is used can be good or bad. Yoga is just a fantastic form of stretching and exercise, and it so happens to lend itself well to meditation. Meditating on the Bible is, well, scriptural. It's not evil or creepy or mystical. My advice? If doing yoga, meditating on Scripture, and praying in a public setting is uncomfortable to you, then don't do it. If doing the above together in one setting sounds fantastic to you, like it did to me, try Holy Yoga.

Ok I will get off my little soapbox now. I don't want to offend anyone, but since this is my blog, I figured I should probably explain what I believe and people can take it or leave it. :o)

My sister-in-law and I really enjoyed it, but we can't go regularly because we work on Friday and Saturday mornings when the classes are. I am hoping that we can get a Gateway Pink group to pick it up and offer it more times in the week because I'd love to attend all the time. I am definitely needing to be more flexible. But I felt so fabulous when we were done. A great way to start the weekend, for sure.

Like No One Else

I just discovered some sound, inspirational quotes I copied back in March 2010, about two years before we actually got serious about this problem. We had just bought the book 365 Ways to Live Cheap[ly]. I think we maybe, kinda, sorta thought getting out of debt was a good idea to do maybe, kinda, sorta some day, but we didn't have a plan or any knowledge about how to practically do that. So thankful that now we do.

I had written: "May we live our lives differently, within our means, to be a testament to ourselves, to others, and to our future children about how to handle our money in order to have a secure financial future. May we use or finances to the glory of God." I'm pretty sure that was my pre-Dave Ramsey way of saying, "May we live like no one else so later we can LIVE like no one else!"
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When advised to budget, most people respond: “But I just don’t have enough money.” In fact, most of these individuals have a lot more money than they think; they just lack control of it. Making more money is not the answer. The sad truth is that if you’re out of control, no matter how much money you earn, you can figure out a way to spend it. … Bad budgetary habits, when applied to twice as much money, simply create twice as much havoc. – Unknown (I would add that sometimes when the income is around or below poverty level that income is part of the problem.)

But the thing is, [debt] is worse than obesity, because this is a problem that you can hide. It’s a problem that you can deny that you have. You can have a big fat lifestyle, and you can pretend you’re making a lot of money because you can just finance it and pretend that you’re going to pay for it tomorrow. So who needs this diet? Anybody who is not saving anything, anybody who is living paycheck to paycheck, anybody who is fighting with their spouse about money, and anybody who wants a better financial future tomorrow. — Jean Chatzky, as told on Oprah

The problem with Americans is that they act and spend as if they are rich before they actually ARE rich. — Economist interviewed in Kiplinger’s Personal Finance

All By Myself...

My husband is leaving in seven hours and thirty-two minutes. For two weeks. Ten days, to be more precise, but for all practical purposes, two weeks. He'll come home for four days and then leave again. And this 10 days gone, 4 days home, 10 days gone, 4 days home, 10 days gone cycle will continue pretty much indefinitely. And I support him and our decision to do this 100%, but that doesn't make saying goodbye much easier. I usually don't like to post my raw, unedited, emotional thoughts on my blog, but today, it just seems the right way to express my current feelings.

I know I should feel blessed that my husband has a job, a very good job, that so far he really enjoys. I know I should feel thankful that I am married to a hard-working man who is so committed to providing for us. I know I should be glad he isn't in the military and that we won't be separated for months on end. I know I should be reminding myself that this is temporary. I know I should appreciate these things, and I do. I really do.

But right now, it hurts. Right now, I don't care if I sound like a big, whiny baby. I don't want him to be gone for two weeks, and I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be away from him for even one night. I know what it's like when half of me is in another state in a hotel and I'm...here. I know my identity is not so tied to him that I'm not my own person, but being separated still feels...wrong. And I hate it.

We will be okay. Rest assured. I know the absence will make our hearts grow fonder, and I know we can see each other via FaceTime almost every night...which will be the best part of our days. I will keep reminding myself that this is temporary. He won't be doing this traveling gig forever. Our best estimate is that he'll be doing it for two years. And having an end date (no matter how accurate it is) totally helps. Because if I thought for a second that he would be gone every two weeks for the next thirty years, I would not be able to let him go.

We can do this. I can do this. My days will be busy and full of spending time caring for my niece. Some will fly and others will drag. I will feel independent and bold some days and timid and scared on other days. I will have girls' nights and my Financial Peace class. I will have Pinterest and movies and crafting and blogging and designing. I will have church and Jesus.

But it will still be hard.
I'm not ready, and I never will be. But I will be okay.
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"I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." - Psalm 121:1-2 NIV (emphasis added by me)

I lift my eyes up unto the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, Maker of Heaven
Creator of the Earth

Oh how I need You, Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer

So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life

– "I Lift My Eyes Up", Strong Tower, Kutless

Black, White, & Red All Over - Part 1

Original title, I know. ;o) I couldn't think of anything more fitting, though.

I LOVE my red, black, and white bathroom, but it has been hard to find bathroom decor in those colors. I chose red, black, and white after having seen a collection by Candie's at Kohl's in late 2007/early 2008. I never did actually buy anything from that collection, but I did like it. Since Nate really loves red, it was a perfect choice for us.

Annnnnnnyway. The bathroom has been like 95% done (as far as decorating and tweaking) for a few months now. Most of it has just been moved from our old house. But each room always seems to have a few things in limbo because of craft projects I want to do. I found this link on Pinterest for one of the last two things I wanted to make to finish it. Click [this link] to see the other project I made to finish my bathroom.

It's a mason jar match container. I love the versatility of mason jars in decorating. They just make everything look cooler. This is perfect for our bathroom as we like to use matches for a more natural air freshener. The reason for this is mostly that spray fragrances have bothered my allergies in the past and only seem to attempt to cover an odor rather than do away with it altogether, and besides, matches are cheaper. We all know how much I like cheaper!

It is not my intention to replace the tutorial(s) that already exist by other bloggers, but I did learn some things that I thought were worth sharing.

Mason Jar Match Container

Need: 

Strike Anywhere Matches  

Small Mason Jar with Ring/Seal - clean (8 oz. jar, but any jar large enough for matches is fine.)

Sandpaper - black (I am fairly sure any grit will work, but I used 400. Nope. Find something that's more coarse. After doing this project, I discovered 400 was too fine.)

Hot Glue

Glue Gun

Scissors

Do:

1. Round up your stuff. This is the hardest, and I found it to be the most time-consuming part of the whole project. I already had a jar (with lid) that was formerly the home of a Bath and Body Works candle that had been used up. It is probably a 6 or 8 oz. jar and is a little more squatty than your typical jelly mason jar. So for me, that part was free! The sandpaper was kind of pricey as I limited myself to black to go with my bathroom. I only used a fraction of the package though, so overall, not a bad deal. I also already had the hot glue/glue gun and scissors.

2. Hunt down strike anywhere matches. This was so difficult that it gets its own step. I first checked my local Walmart, Target, Dollar Tree, Hobby Lobby, and Lowe's. Come to find out, they ALL sell matches but NONE of them sell strike anywhere matches, at least not in my area. You must use the strike anywhere variety as the regular strike-on-the-box type does not work. Trust me, I tried it. ;o)

I did a lot of searching online to see if they even still made these matches, and apparently they do. It seems they are common for people who do a lot of camping. Some Walmarts carry them in the grocery section (which is helpful to note which departments to search) as do some Lowe's. If you are looking for matches, the most likely sections are the barbeque/fireplace/grilling section which is probably part of a store's seasonal department, but they are also usually found in the kitchen section and occasionally with candles (though not usually). 

There are all sorts of these matches on eBay for around $4 a box of 300 including shipping, but that was a bit more than I wanted to spend. I found a hint that they were sold at Ace Hardware as well as camping supply stores. So, I found my nearest Ace, asked an employee, and was out the door with them for $2 in under 5 minutes. Great experience, and I would definitely check your local Ace first if you can. They really are "the helpful place." Haha.

3. Remove the seal part of the lid from the jar and trace it on the back of a piece of sandpaper. Cut it out. Hot glue the sandpaper to the ring and then to the seal, making sure to press the sandpaper flat inside. I have found that when I need to replace the used sandpaper, it's pretty easy to pull the hot glue from the seal and ring.

4. Insert matches. You're done! It's that easy.

It's been fun to scrape up cute stuff for our bathroom, but now it is finally DONE. Now that it's finished, I need to take pictures to show the finished product.

2011 Nostalgia

So tonight, I just watched my almost-thirteen-months-old niece, Ellie, for the last time in 2011. My husband would say phrasing it that way is a bit dramatic, and he's right, but right now, it just fits since I'm feeling a little nostalgic about the past year. Our lives are competely different than they were this time last year. See, it's kind of ironic since this week last year (Christmas 2010), I was just meeting my almost-one-month-old niece for the very first time. Some words I wrote after the experience, "She pretty much stole my heart before she was even born, but when I met her, words can't even describe the joy I felt holding her. I mean, she isn't my child, but I just felt this huge love for her." And that was before I spent a year almost forty hours a week with her. And that same week, Nate and I made the major life-changing decision to move to Texas so that I could be her nanny. (You can read that novel here and here. I warn you, I do not exaggerate when I say it's pretty much a novel.) And now, I can look back on the past year and honestly say we have been so blessed.

Nate has two jobs that he really, really enjoys. Right now, he is really praying for God's direction in his career because he really just wants to find something he knows he is supposed to do for the next thirty years. I feel pretty confident right now that one of the two places where he works will turn into that for him, but if not, I'm so proud of him and I know he will do whatever God wants him to do. People at his past jobs and even now at his current jobs always come up to me and tell me how much they appreciate him for how hard he works and how invested he is in doing whatever it is well. I can't adequately tell you what that does for my heart. I know what kind of man he is, but to hear it from others just brings such joy to me. It just affirms that I married the perfect man for me.

As for my employment, I have spent more time with Ellie than anyone save her parents, and when she isn't crabby, overtired, or teething (and I'm not crabby, tired, or feeling sick), I cherish pretty much every moment I have with her. I talk to her all the time. I explain things to her that there is no earthly way she can currently understand, but she listens to my voice anyway. We play and giggle and talk. We have conversations, but a lot of the time I invent what it is that she is saying since I can't understand most of her babble. I read her stories. I tell her how to be gentle when she pets the doggies (mostly my dog, Apollo, since he's the only indoor pet she interacts with regularly). I taught her that the Christmas tree is pretty, and that we can look but we can't touch. Every time I say that to her, she looks over at me and shakes her head "no". She understands more than we give her credit for, I know. She is sort of potty-training as she knows when she is wet and tells us "diaper" when she is ready to be changed. Her little voice is so sweet. I thank her for being obedient when she does what I ask, and I praise her for being a good girl even when she isn't asked. She generally claps for herself when she does something right....haha. She loves to share her toys and her food. I love all of these little moments with her. I pray I can be a good influence on her. This job isn't what I went to school for, but it is almost like practice for being a mom someday. I've wanted to be a mommy since I was four years old, so I'm so totally okay with this. I will pursue my graphic design business on the side and hopefully grow it slowly. Right now, I'm not in a hurry.

So, I have the next two weeks off to be with my husband on a road trip over Christmas which is a strange but wonderful story in and of itself, and God is continuing to bless us. That's such a common little catch phrase, but it's true and in ways I can't wait to write about. I will write another blog about the road trip and yet another about how God has blessed us. Two thousand eleven has been such a full year!

...leave to thy God to order and provide...

I often have a hard time with things not going as planned. Not that I consider myself to be a complete planner, but I would rather have a Plan A and be flexible with it than no plan at all. For example, my days off. When I have a day off, completely unscheduled, I get exactly NOTHING done. I stay in lounge clothes. I don't necessarily shower, and sometimes I forget to eat. It's sad, but it's true. I don't get the house clean or the grocery shopping done, unless I planned to do that.

So I generally run with a limited outline in my head of what the next few weeks, months, and years will or should look like. I probably should keep a day planner, but since graduating from college, I don't. Anyway, it generally helps because I like having goals. Goals are great. But, many times I try to make plans involving people or things outside of my control, things I never should have planned in the first place. And then when they don't turn out the way I expected, I just do not handle it well. At all. It's like I set myself up for disappointment.

I know better than to be this way. There are lots of verses in the Bible that remind me not to try to be in charge, but Proverbs 3:5-6 pretty much says it all.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

I know these verses very well. I memorized them in elementary school. But I still need reminders. Because sometimes I read a Bible verse and think, yeah, yeah, I know that I should do ____. But sometimes the concepts are abstract, like trust. Your own understanding. Acknowledge Him. And if I don't take the time to absorb it, I move on because I didn't listen to what God was saying to me or even to apply it to my life. Maybe it's just me, but music (especially hymns) speaks into my life so often and gives me the reminders I so often need. For example, I'll be doing something like checking Facebook and listening to my hymn station on Pandora in the background, and bam! A phrase will just hit me.

I love the song, Be Still My Soul anyway, but the line "leave to thy God to order and provide" has never jumped out at me before. In the middle of a time when my plans were not occurring in the order I wanted them to and also when I knew I couldn't provide for some of my own needs, I heard this line of this song in a whole new way. I can plan and set goals and make lists and budget, but God is ultimately the one who orders my days and provides all of my needs and my wants even before I know what they are.

 

This image is now my desktop background, so I have constant reminders that it's okay to set goals but I need to allow God to micromanage my life.